This word is something that we would have never heard as an Indian, and even if you will try to translate it in Hindi, you will probably never find a translation.

This word is Narcissism.

The reason is that we shadow Narcissism as something else. In India, we might say, "The person is not Narcissist, by has Attitude", and statements like that.

Several people in the world and even in India may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). With that many people experiencing NPD, there is a fairly high probability you know someone who is severely narcissistic. When confronted with toxic narcissism, removing yourself from the exposure is often the best course of action. But what can you do when that person is someone close?

Table of Contents

1. How to Recognize a Narcissist?
2. How to deal with a Narcissist Family Member?
   • Avoid Direct Confrontation
   • Don't Accept Harmful Behaviors
   • Focus On Choices
   • Set Limits
   • Get Support and Professional Counselling

How to Recognize a Narcissist?
Narcissism is complex to identify, and usually, the best way is to consult a professional before coming to some conclusion. True narcissism is a diagnosable personality disorder known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). 

NPD is defined as a pattern of superiority, the need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. An individual with NPD is fixated on their uniqueness, self-importance, and sense of entitlement.

For Example, if someone who has never had an alcoholic beverage, might be super-proud in saying that alcohol is bad, and I am superior and pure to people who drink alcohol.

The above statement is an example, and saying this is just a hint towards someone having NPD, but cannot be confirmed, as some cultures ban alcohol, as per religious preachings, and that's fine. But if someone thinks that he or she is superior or pure because they don't drink alcohol, so it refers to narcissism.

Narcissism is characterized by a lack of empathy or desire to genuinely understand others' needs. Someone with NPD is often solely concerned with themselves and their needs, unable to properly process or engage with the world around them. Instead, a narcissist operates as though everything they embody - their needs, their ideas, accomplishments, problems, or more - are a higher priority than anyone else's.

The sense of entitlement someone with NPD can be so extreme, that they expect unreasonable special treatment and will do whatever it takes to be the center of everyone's universe. This need for attention and lack of awareness for others' emotions often leads to toxic behavior.

Symptoms of NPD may take many forms, but basically, they are linked by entitlement, self-importance, and a disregard for the needs and feelings of others. Below are some of the signs of NPD to look for;

1. Thinking too much about Self: Someone with NPD can be consumed with disproportionate senses of self-concern, self-centeredness, and self-consciousness. Their strong feelings of entitlement may lead them to expect constant attention and admiration from others.
2. Unrealistic expectations: The expectations of constant attention are paired with more unrealistic expectations that others will instantly comply with all their wishes without question. They might think that they are entitled to special favors.
3. Dehumanizing Others: Those with NPD might interact with people based on whether they believe that person can offer something beneficial to them, such as social status, a job, or emotional fulfillment. If a narcissist determines that a person has failed them, they will often devalue or disregard them. In this way, narcissists view people as means rather than individuals.
4. Lack of empathy: Narcissists often lack empathy as a result of dehumanizing others. Someone with NPD might not attempt to understand the perspective or feelings of anyone besides themselves, resulting in a lack of compassion and remorse for any wrongdoings.
5. Obsession with appearance: Narcissists can be fixated with beauty and other aspects of their appearance to others, such as wealth, fame, success, and reputation, or even purity. A narcissist commonly fantasizes about great success, power, and beauty.
6. Pride: Being obsessed with appearances can cultivate a prideful personality. A narcissist might come off as vain or immodest as a result of their pride.
7. Exaggeration: To boost their appearance and importance, an individual with NPD might exaggerate their skills and accomplishments.
8. Inability to accept criticism: Because a narcissist has a sense of pride, and a high view of themselves, they are often sensitive to negative feedback and criticism, even if it is constructive. A narcissist can become defensive or angry at even the slightest criticism, making it challenging to call them out for their problematic patterns of behavior.
9. Mood Swings: A person with NPD is often psychologically fragile and might struggle to regulate their emotions. This inability to properly balance their feelings can result in aggressive impulses, verbal assaults, and manipulation.
10. Broken or strained relationships: Narcissists tend to have difficulties within their relationships because loved ones may not tolerate put-downs, contempt, and carelessness. Often, people reach a breaking point and have to cut ties with a narcissist.
11. Low-Self Esteem: Despite the outward appearance, those with NPD may not love themselves as they want others to believe they do. Feelings of superiority are usually rooted in a deep sense of insecurity. They typically express poor self-esteem via self-deprecation or arrogance, working hard to overcompensate for their lack of confidence. 
12. Need for Approval: A narcissist's lack of self-esteem drives them to actively seek validation from others. Whether the narcissist's inadequacies are real or imagined, they experience a significant need for approval from other people.

It is important to remember that narcissistic qualities run along a spectrum. While we all can go through bouts of selfishness or self-consciousness, there is a difference between having a few narcissistic characteristics and having NPD. Those who feel they may be a narcissist most likely are not one because true narcissists lack the empathetic sort of self-reflection required to wonder whether they have a personality disorder.

How to deal with a Narcissistic Family Member?
Many times, cutting a person who displays severely narcissistic qualities out of your life is the most viable and effective way to prevent further emotional trauma or abuse. This decision may not be an option if you are related to or living with someone who has NPD. When leaving is not an option, you need a new set of strategies for dealing with a narcissistic family member.

1. Avoid Direct Confrontation: 
Because those with NPD are extremely sensitive to criticism, calling a true narcissist a narcissist typically backfires and worsens the situation. Regardless of any good intent behind the criticism or how constructive it is, those with NPD cannot reflect on their behavior enough to see any truth behind the accusation. Instead, they typically become obsessed with proving you are the one with a problem and demanding an apology.

If you feel you have to address this issue, try to be smart about how you have the conversation. Someone with NPD will only be receptive to negative feedback delivered in small doses and laden with flattery. Instead of launching right into the discussion with your grievances against them, offer compliments first.

Specifically, try using the compliment sandwich approach, which involves opening and closing the conversation with positive remarks about the person you are talking with. 

2. Don't accept Harmful Behaviors:
For the same reason, it is typically futile to confront a narcissist, it is unwise to argue with one. An argument with a narcissist can also quickly turn to verbal abuse due to their lack of empathy and interpersonal skills. Someone with NPD may even be able to manipulate you into believing you are the one with a problem by gaslighting you.

Because those with NPD are concerned with themselves and tend to see themselves as the hero, they may attempt to blame you for their behaviors. They view themselves as victims because they refuse to recognize they may play a part in any problem. 

Continuing to argue with a narcissist will only reaffirm their preconception that you are the one attacking them. Instead, disengage from the conversation and do whatever you can to remove yourself from the situation.

3. Focus on Choices:
One key to dealing with a narcissist is focusing on choices, both yours and theirs. People with NPD often insist others treat them unfairly and don't give them the respect they are due. They fail to see how their behaviors could impact the way others interact with them. 

Even if you can't eliminate contact with someone who has NPD, you can still take measures to protect yourself and make their behavior less harmful to you. You can choose to limit your time with them or make sure someone else is always around so you are never alone with them.

4. Set Limits:
Unfortunately, those with NPD do not often have a sense of boundaries. They might resort to manipulating others to meet their needs. Although you cannot control the behaviors of a narcissist, you can control your own. Family members of narcissists often become accustomed to enabling narcissists to avoid a fight. But you can refuse to participate in this cycle any longer by setting limits on what you will do.

You may stop allowing your narcissistic family member to speak to you disrespectfully anymore or quit agreeing with any disparaging words that they share about others. You may also stop replying to texts so frequently or set a time limit on your phone conversations to avoid listening to rants.

Be prepared for the possibility that your narcissistic family member does not respect your boundaries. Those with NPD tend to view themselves as the most important person in the world. Despite your best efforts to reach a compromise, the only effective solution may be to cut off contact completely. If this is the case, there is no shame in cutting ties for the sake of your mental health.

5. Get Support and Professional Counselling:
When dealing with a toxic narcissistic family member, it is essential to have a strong system and receive counseling from a mental health professional. Dealing with a narcissistic loved one can feel lonely and induce low self-esteem due to all the insults, public humiliation, and other forms of abuse. Try to be gentle with yourself and protect yourself from being gaslit into believing you are the one at fault.