But hold on to your coffee mugs, folks, because we're about to embark on a journey through the wacky world of welcome gifts for new employees. Strap in and get ready for some seriously practical (and seriously hilarious) suggestions.

1. A Handwritten Note of Welcome
   Sure, you could send an email, but why not go old school with a handwritten note from the boss? Bonus points if it is written in crayon.
   
   
2. Company SWAG
   Let's start with the classics, shall we? Throw in some company-branded sweaters, water bottles, hats, and pens. Because who doesn't want to be a walking billboard for the company, am I right?
   
   
3. Snack Box
   Because let's be real, nothing says "We care about your well-being" quite like a box full of snacks. Just make sure to include a healthy option or two, you know, to balance things out.
   
   
4. A Photo Frame
   Help your new hire customize their workspace with a photo frame. Nothing says "I'm part of the team" like a picture of your dog staring judgmentally at you while you work.
   
   
5. Gift Cards
   When in doubt, go with gift cards. Because who doesn't love the gift of endless possibilities? Just make sure they're for places that exist.
   
   
6. Power Bank
   For those times when your new hire's phone dies at the most inconvenient moment. Because let's face it, we've all been there.
   
   
7. Books
   Expand their mind with some good old-fashioned literature. Just make sure it's not too heavy, you know, in case they drop it on their foot.
   
   
8. Headphones
   Because sometimes you just need to drown out the sound of your coworkers arguing about whose turn it is to clean the coffee machine.
   
   
9. Relaxation Items
   Because let's face it, work can be stressful. Throw in some scented candles, lotion, and maybe even a stress ball or two. Because who doesn't love squeezing the life out of a rubber ball when things get tough?
   
   
10. Introduction to the Entire Company
    Help your new hire feel like part of the team from day one by introducing them to everyone. Bonus points if you include a map of the office with all the best hiding spots marked.
    
    
11. Streaming Subscriptions
    Because sometimes you just need to take a break and binge-watch your favorite show. Just make sure to remind them that there's such a thing as too much Netflix.
    
    
12. Employee Manual
    Because let's face it, nobody actually reads those things. But hey, it's the thought that counts, right?
    
    
13. Fitness Bands
    Because sitting at a desk all day is bad for your health. Encourage your new hire to get moving with a fitness band. Just make sure they don't use it as an excuse to take extra-long bathroom breaks.
    
    
14. Important Safety Items
    Because safety first, people! Throw in some hand sanitizer, masks, and maybe even a hazmat suit for good measure.
    
    
15. office Supplies
    Because you can never have too many pens, right? Just make sure to throw in some post-its for good measure.
    
    
16. Stress Ball
    Because sometimes you just need to take out your frustrations on an inanimate object. Just make sure it's not your computer.
    
    
17. Happy Hours Box
    Because sometimes you just need a stiff drink after a long day at work. Just make sure to include a warning label about drinking on the job.
    
    
18. Lunchbox
    Because who doesn't love a good old-fashioned lunchbox? Just make sure it's big enough to fit all those snacks you threw in earlier.
    
    
19. Coffee Mug
    Because let's face it, nobody can function without caffeine. Throw in a personalized mug so they know which one is theirs.
    
    
20. Blue Light Glasses
    Because staring at a computer screen all day is bad for your eyes. Throw in some blue light glasses to help protect their peepers.
    
    
21. Desk Plant
    Because nothing says "I'm an adult" quite like taking care of a plant. Just make sure it's one of those low-maintenance ones, you know, in case they forget to water it.
    
    
22. Light Box
    Because who needs a boring old nameplate when you can have a lightbox? Bonus points if it lights up and plays music every time they walk by.
    
    
23. Tote Bags
    Because let's face it, you can never have too many tote bags. Just make sure they're big enough to fit all those snacks you threw in earlier.
    
    
24. The Technological Necessities
    Because let's face it, we live in a digital world. Throw in a mouse, laptop or desktop, keyboard, and maybe even a wifi password for good measure.
    

So there you have it, folks, 24 hilariously practical welcome gifts for new employees. Because let's face it, starting a new job can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be boring. So go ahead, show your new hires how much you appreciate them with a box full of goodies they'll actually use. And who knows, maybe they'll stick around for more than just the free snacks.